Fatigue, frustration, frazzled state of being: Monday. That’s where I found myself as I woke up today. I could uncover many reasons for my feelings, but the real struggle for me was what to do with how I am feeling. I shrink in my own skin to realize all the times I have by way of verbally vomitting on them as an announcement to my state of mind. Imagine doing that to a stranger holding a door for you, or passing your coffee to your from the other side of the bar, “I’m in n mood, just giving you a heads up.”
What a sweet favor I offer my family. I’m thankful that they, and the Lord, choose to forgive my stinky selfishness. When we were kids, I remember my dad holding up his arm as his thumb and index finger played “air violin” to the tune of someone’s self-pity serenade. Guess I’m a slow learner.
Listening to Lies
Buried under the weight of life leaves us vulnerable to the hits of satan’s lies. Every new hit that seems to come more quickly and more forcefully further weakens us. We find ourselves at the bottom of a growing dog-pile like the winningest pitcher of the new world champions and without the euphoria of a job well done, the exact opposite, actually. There, under the weight of others and our own thoughts, we struggle both physically and emotionally, but we don’t belong there. Thankfully, there’s a way up and out; we don’t need to stay there. Listening to the lies from the father of lies himself will certainly affect us, make us sick, leave us shaky, weakened and feeling lost, but it doesn’t make his lies truth; he is still a liar. We are listening to the wrong voice. When we are sulking, the days we find ourselves in a bad mood-for valid or completely ridiculous reasons-we have a choice. What we are going to do with a bad mood: continue to listen to the lies, or decide to seek the truth?
Hide and Go Seek
There’s a better way. When we belong to God, we know Truth.
There’s nothing more entertaining than watching our 80# labradoodle play hide and go seek with our son. With total devotion and determination he pounces around, darting from one unfounded spot to another until he pounces with great joy at the sight of his boy found! What a lesson in seeking from our dog.
*I seek you with all my heart.
*I have tried hard to find You-
*With all my heart I have sought You;
*With my whole heart have I sought thee:
*With all my heart I seek You.
*I wholeheartedly searched for You.
…Do not let me wander from Your commands.
Truth, Peace and Joy
Psalm 119:10. With my whole heart I have sought Thee: do not let me wonder from Your commands.
Truth, peace, joy are in the Lord. He’s not hiding but He is waiting for you. Are you seeking Him?
Lord, thank You for encouraging us with your voice of truth. Help us to seek you with our whole hearts and to not wander from your commands.
I met a man. He drove a midnight blue ’87 Mazda 626. Maybe I wasn’t the first girl to ride shot-gun , but I would be the last girl sitting next to him for the first time. Forever. Like any great young love story, there are many wonderful memories from time spent in that car (none of which, I can presume, will be making any shades of grey script-just in case you were wondering), but I do have one I need to share with you.
A Cross on the Rearview Mirror
A Cross Hanging In His Car
It was there, hanging from the review mirror. It wasn’t shiny, or smooth, or really even pretty, but it was always there. I am still learning, 3 decades later, what this small and consistent token would mean. His story isn’t mine to tell, but his faith is now part of me. This rusty ole’ cross symbolized a changed life, a drastically changed life. The Bible tells us when we are in Christ He makes all things new.
He makes all things new. Faithful.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Cor 5:17
At home without the Lord
While I was growing ever closer to the Lord during my early college years, a couple hundred miles away this guy- who I didn’t know existed, would soon realize how wide and deep ALL THINGS were in his life. As an adult he’d followed footsteps of the only world he knew, never hearing before of Jesus Christ. In fact, almost daily he sat behind two students who faithfully wore denim jackets: a fist with an index finger notating #1 with Jesus next to it would stare back at my future husband leaving an empty memory more permanent than the unforgettable 1970’s embroidery in which it was designed. When a student, your high school years seem to last forever, and in that time neither the guy or girl ever talked to him about the Lord. Like so many young people today, he was growing up in a home without the Lord, without a lot of good things, and with some pretty tough ordinary things.
What if we were faithful to just share the Lord with those next to us?
In the nutshell of my husband’s story we find a life completely changed-not by doctors, prescriptions or psychiatrists (any or all of which easily could have been the world’s remedy), but by Jesus Christ. The very moment he found the Lord, repented of his sinful life and chose to follow Him, his life changed and it changed in every way. HE is faithful.
He is Faithful
If you are married you have probably realized marriage will teach you things about yourself you never knew existed. Nearly thirty years of marriage and I’m sure to have witnessed more of my husband (and myself) than anyone else has on this earth. (Thank You, Lord.) To know my man is to know two things irrefutable: he’s the most loyal diligent, industrious, & conscientious employee to be found, and as a man of God- he is faithful. Not at any time, day or moment has he ever questioned or doubted the Lord in his own life. Not once. Not my husband. He is faithful to his Lord. I married a pretty passive man when it comes to things that really matter, but to question the sincerity of who Christ is in his life will do it every time.
His faithfulness has taught me to be more faithful in little or much.
God has taught me so much. This man the Lord has given me has taught me so much. Not the least of this is faith. I’ve been praying often about this blog and what I want to share of my life with you, and as I was cleaning through some things I found his cross. It always stirs so many thoughts and memories, and usually a prompting to check my own heart: God has been faithful to me. He’s only been faithful. He has always been faithful. Faithfulness is what I’m here to share with you: God is faithful. In every one of my ordinary or less than ordinary moments in life; He is faithful. I am not. Even so, He knows I will fail Him yet He will never change. Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! He is faithful.
Malachi 3:6
I am the Lord God, I never change.
It’s a good time for a loving reminder, rather than spending our lives chasing (fleeting) success,
we are called to live faithfully.
Women living faithfully, imperfectly.
Because the world is hard, but God is good.
How about looking at your own life; do you see God’s faithfulness? I would love to hear!
This day, 12.31.1914, the woman who would some 40 years later give birth to my husband was born. We don’t understand what she, and others born in her time, lived through. Our way of living is VASTLY different in every way. At a time in our lives when we were working full time- and more, raising our first baby, and living closer but not close enough to do what was needed, to my parents-in-law, we found ourselves running more and more to give rides and fill their refrigerator, cupboards and bellies. Ma had made it to her 80th decade of life never once sitting behind the wheel of a car. I’d say she never got her license, but if you had the privilege of driving Ms. Mary you knew full well she did indeed drive, if only from the back seat. The Lord impressed on my heart an impossible thought to change things, but I didn’t realize the lunacy of it until I brought it up to my husband; the look on his face didn’t match his words, “Whatever you think we should do.” And so we did.
Miracles in the House
Another miracle in the making was somehow, and seriously we don’t recall how but it was indeed impossible for so many reasons of which (lacking) finances was chief, we found this house under frame. It was perfect with a master both upstairs and downstairs and plenty of room for two families to share. We would finish building it to our specs, put our little colonial (with its soon fleeting comfortable mortgage) up for sale AND move in within a few months. Big things would happen in a short time from the conception of this God-prompted change to the moment we had the keys unlocking the door of our new home. We still can’t figure out how that happened; how did we close on this house while still owning and paying on the other one? But God.
The house was finally ready to show to Pop and Ma! Pop had had a rough year, but he was finally doing better. In fact, this Wednesday night (on my Dad’s birthday) he called to ask his son to stop by to help him with something on his way home from work. While he’d never done that before, it wasn’t cause for alarm, and it was no big deal. My husband was always happy just to see his mom and dad. He took care of his concern, gave them a hug and I’m sure kissed the top of his mom’s head like always before heading home to us. Pop called me and said, “I love you, Sweetheart.” And I loved him. It was later, sometime after the frantic call from Ma a few hours before midnight telling us Pop had collapsed on the tiny kitchen floor, that he’d remember Pop’s words to his mother as he got up to leave, “The kids are going to take care of you.” We were celebrating: the new house, moving together so we could best take care of them, and Pop finally feeling better after so much ill-health. Did he know?
Dad Died
He was gone, and we were crushed.
We were driving toward the funeral home for preparations when my mostly non-musical husband started singing to himself. I was holding his hand and I turned my head to my left as tears streamed down my face. What an odd time, I thought, to see such a song. This man has taught me so much.
In moments like these,
I sing out a song
I sing out a love song to Jesus
In moments like these
I lift up my hands
I lift up my hands to the Lord
Singing I love You Lord
And Ma, through her grief, never missed a step. More than 87 years old and she never quit. She just kept being herself and doing what she needed to do, not matter how difficult and without complaining.
We Don’t Stop Living
There we were, four instead of five and a family incomplete. The Lord would answer a ten year long prayer and add another amazing son to our home, but the void left without Pop would remain for many years ahead. We’d never not know he wasn’t here, and we always wished he was, but that’s how life on this side of eternity works. Death is a very hard part of our lives, but we don’t stop living. So many other stories to tell about Ma at home, but this one is in memory and celebration of her birthday. She loved being doted on, especially on her birthday (and Derby Day, one of those other stories). We made New Year’s Eve celebrations look exactly like the world threw her a party; it was great and usually culminated with a show of fireworks out the front porch. God is great like that!
Celebrating Ma
I learned a lot from this woman. She taught us more about living and sacrifice, about joy and seeing a great life where we’d blind ourselves with burden, and about blessings in the nearly eleven years we were able to have her in our home. Every day we still miss her. I wish we could sing happy birthday to her today, but we look forward to seeing her again when the Lord unites us in heaven. Happy birthday, Ma! Somehow I think 103 would have looked just as good on you as 95! Go rest high on that mountain, sing with the angels, and we’ll see you soon!
Instead of separating ourselves (let’s be honest, that’s not always an easy thing to do-and we may feel as if we’ll make things worse), why not just call out to the Lord and try to fix the problems we’re having with our adversary? Or, like many of us are prone toward-just ignore it and it will go away. Well, because we can’t. The Lord has graciously warned us how to live with people in times like these. Psalm 1:1-2 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. When trusting the Lord to do His will both in our lives and the lives of others, we should wisely walk away from them. God says He will bless us in it. For a lot of us who have been taught to love by upholding an unbiblical understanding of God’s love, some of this is hard to take in; I get it! I encourage you to open your Bible and dig in. Read these verses and more! Ask the Lord to guide you and reveal Himself to you in His Word.
The scorning of the tongue is no small matter! Scripture says we cannot tame our tongue (James 3:8) and that it can crush our whole spirit (Proverbs 15:4)! The Lord knows this, and He HATES lies. Proverbs 6:16-19 There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination (detestable) to Him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush to evil, a false witness who pours out lies and he who stirs up trouble (conflict) among his brothers. When the Lord hates something so passionately, there is no doubt it doesn’t slip under His radar. He sees. He knows. HE is able to address this in the offender as He needs to, in His time. We don’t need to waste our mental or spiritual efforts on what ifs and buts–leave the things regarding others with the Lord (Romans 12:9 ).
Search me and know my heart, O God!
Now, I don’t know about you, but as we learn and read what the Lord has for us through the pain of wrongdoing from someone we love, or even a stranger, it’s awfully difficult for me to see my own shortcomings in many similar ways. Psalm 13:23-34 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the way everlasting . I’m not making light of the pain and trouble we get dragged through, that’s kind of the point here, but the Lord is faithful to challenge my heart about my own words and actions toward others as we look to Him and His Word. I thank Him for that! When we free ourselves from the bondage of another persons’ behavior, we are then able to meet the Lord for our own good, even in ways we were least expecting!
When entrapped in a battle, what does the Lord want us to know?
It’s not personal, it’s a spiritual battle. (Eph 6:12)
In this world we will have trouble, but He has overcome the world (Jn 16:33)
Relationships are conditional (John 15:7)
Christ-like love does not delight in evil (I Cor 13)
The Lord blesses separation from evil (Psalm 1:1-2)
The Lord detests a lying tongue and stirring up conflict (Prov 6:16-19)
The Lord will handle vengeance as He sees fit (Romans 12:9)
Choose joy
With our hearts and eyes set on the Lord, freed from the weight of anyone else’s doing, what can we hope for? James helps us here: James 1:2-5 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect (complete, mature) and entire, wanting nothing. Look at the first four words again, consider it (trials) pure joy. That’s a determined choice, isn’t it? Usually we want to run, to recoil somehow, from a trial because it hurts, it’s uncomfortable and always inconvenient, but that’s a far cry from the consideration of joy-pure joy. If the Holy Spirit is interfering with our natural reaction of rejecting the hardships in our lives to the polar opposite of welcoming them, there must be a good reason. The Lord doesn’t give us instruction to hurt us but because He loves us and for our good. Romans 5:3-4 But we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience , experience; and experience hope.
His Grace is Sufficient
Oh, friends, the pain from our trials is loving purposed in our lives. In our weakness, He is strong (2 Cor 12:10). But He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.: Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (I Corinthians 12:9) Yes, His grace is sufficient.
There’s much more to know and learn about the Lord in the midst of our trials. The psalmist tells us just how important our hurts our to our Heavenly Father: He counts our tears and holds them in a bottle. (Psalm 56:8). He binds up our wounds and heals our broken hearts (Psalm 147:3). I could go on and on about His great love for us! Our trials aren’t about the pain but instead a divine purpose.
Our trials aren’t about the pain but instead a divine purpose.
Like labor pains producing the babies in our arms, the pains from trials in the Christian life produce precious gifts. Of course, the most precious gift we have is that of salvation through the cross of Jesus Christ. His love for us took my sin, my accusers sin, and your sin and nailed it to a cross as Jesus showed His love in a way no other ever could or would. (I Peter 2:24) He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By His stripes you are healed. There is no pain we will know that Jesus didn’t know: He was despised and rejected, He was betrayed, sought, falsely judged, sentenced and murdered. Unlike me, and unlike you, He was fully innocent and without sin. We can endure trials through the pain and trust it is for our good, because God is faithful to keep His promises and is true to His character. With tribulation that works patience in us, and patience that brings experience and hope, we find ourselves here in verse 5 in the fifth chapter of Romans with a golden gem: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given unto us. HOPE makes us NOT ASHAMED in our faith and love of God. Trials like this can, if we seek the Lord through them, grow our faith unashamedly. Don’t miss how big this is!
Divine Purpose in our Pain
Challenge our decision to consider it pure joy (James 1:2-5) producing patience, maturity & completeness: wanting nothing
Learn to glory in tribulation (Romans 5:3-4) Patience, experience, hope, unashamed faith.
Realize our weakness precedes true strength: Boast in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:10) then He makes me strong
Discover God’s sufficiency in our time of need: His grace is sufficient (I Corinthians 12:9)
Remember God’s love and devotion to us: He binds up our wounds and heals our broken hearts (Psalm 147:3)
Know the Lord doesn’t overlook the little details that hurt us or the tears shed in secret: (Psalm 56:8)
Identify with Jesus Christ while He was here on earth to die for us (I Peter 2:24)
Grow our faith, unashamedly before the world. (Romans 5:5)
Build our faith to confess Christ before men (Matthew 10:32-33 )
Hear our Lord Jesus confess us to His Father in Heaven (Matthew 10:32-33)
Trials like this can, if we seek the Lord through them, grow our faith unashamedly.
Matthew 10:32-33 Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven. The Lord loves us so much He makes a way in our life’s circumstances to give us all we need to honor Him, to proclaim Him before men unashamedly with our faith secure in who we know, tried and true, to be! We proclaim Jesus Christ in a world so dark and broken they cannot see or understand. The result is heaven’s proclamation of each of us from our Lord Jesus Christ! Consider it joy.
The pain sets in swiftly and with great fury. In the shock of it all, we are stunned and amazed as we try to wrap our heads around what and why this is happening. Our minds can’t think too straight, this person was suppose to love us, after all. How do we fix that which we had no part in creating? What do we do with the relationship now? When will the pain end? Will the pain end? Sometime while we’re trying to wrap our head around what just happened, hurt’s climax begins to wane and anger rears its head.
[convertkit]
Here we could talk about the hundreds of biblical explanations to turn the other cheek, to shower with doing good things, to show grace, as we should at times, because we are all sinners; there’s a rich truth to glean in doing just this in so many circumstances. Love covers a multitude of sin, and what a blessing when we offer forgiveness, love, and grace and a relationship is saved (and even sometimes when it’s not). However, that is altogether different, instead I am talking about the one who has initiated his or her attack, who recoils unrepentantly and continues with hurtful behavior. Proverbs 16:27 tells us a worthless man digs up evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire. A perverse man spreads dissension and gossip divides close friends (brothers). There is still room for love, for grace and forgiveness, but when we look into scripture, there’s even more to realize. How do we honor the Lord in this?
Ongoing contentious behavior calls for direct consequences
Quickly let’s talk about what we don’t do, or we might do but really shouldn’t. Many times our visceral reaction will be birthed out of the pain of anger. Recognize it’s ok to be angry but our reactions need to be pleasing to the Lord (Psalm 4:4). Running a mental list of this persons faults isn’t going to help you, them or the situation at hand, and it’s likely going to sway your attitude and before you know it, it’s your own sin that needs confessing.
2 Cor 10:3-5 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.
While we’re at it, as we rack our brains trying to find a reason for this happening, it’s likely we will start compiling another list. This time we are accounting our own praises. While we may not be to blame for this situation, and it’s a worthy thought process to garner through prayerfully, we also don’t want to think too highly of ourselves. Think on the things that please the Lord. (Phil 4:8) Knowing we did not create the circumstances to this attack doesn’t mean we have permission to become prideful. Pride cometh before the fall (Proverbs 16:18), and this is hard enough already, right? Being fitted for battle is necessary, go ahead and be sure you have the full armor of God in place (Ephesians 6:10-17). It’s even a bit late for equipping yourself in this way; we need to always be prepared for battle, and there’s no way to fight God’s battles without God’s armor. A good litmus test to our own preparation as a soldier of Christ is how we initially respond when the battle roars. So, yes, we need to be prepared for a battle but we do not need to gather an army. By all means, call on your inter-most prayer circle to pray, but don’t go gathering your own soldiers; this is a fight between good and evil, not flesh and blood. (Eph 6:12) It’s the Lord who we need on our team. He’ll put His army together for us.
We know what not to do when tangled in the mess of another’s ongoing contentious conduct:
Sin in our anger (Psalm 4:4)
Make a mental list of the other person’s faults (2 Cor 10:5)
Allow our attitude to give birth to sin (Phil 4:8)
Puff up our own heart with pride (Proverbs 16:18)
Build our own army (Eph 6:12)
Expect Trouble
So, what are we going to do with this ongoing contentious conduct from someone? First, expect that life will hold trouble: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (Jn 16:33) It’s sort of simple if this person is approachable. We go to him or her and share our hearts. We, humbly and prayerfully yet confidently, tell them their sin, the wrongful accusations forthcoming as words or actions, is hurting us. Matthew 18, prescribed to church discipline but sound wisdom for many relationships, outlines taking another (godly, trustworthy) person with you and returning if you were not heard alone. I encourage you to try it, if the situation provides the opportunity. However, we know life isn’t so simple most of the time. If they are not willing to see or hear you, don’t lose hope, don’t think you’re alone or worry the Lord has no use or direction for you. He does. Realize, this isn’t a fight between you and against any one person. Scripture tells us we fight against spiritual forces. Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Can you take the person out of the fight? Set your eyes on the Lord and His goodness, sovereignty and love.
God loves us with an everlasting love, but our relationship with Him is not unconditional.
God loves us eternally when we belong to Him, but our relationship, our status so to speak, with Him is conditional. A lot of Christians balk at this truth, but look at scripture. There are many occasions where our relationship with the Lord is conditional to the benefits and promises He offers to us. Conditions to our relationship with the Lord begin with our salvation, not what His grace through the cross secures in us because of what Christ has done, that’s complete with no gaps. But, our relationships here on earth are conditional. : Romans 10:9 That IF thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, AND shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. This, IF we confess, AND IF we believe…the first condition to beginning our personal relationship with our Creator God. John 15 goes on to tell us we must abide in Christ, and He in us, if we are to produce His fruit. And what about His love and our joy? Many Christians haven’t taken note of the verses here in John 15 that precede the well known scripture about loving others as Jesus has loved us (and they miss the specifics on that, too):
John 15:7 – 11 Ifye abide in me, andmy words abide in you, (there’s the conditional) ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, (conditional) ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.
Praise and pain can coexist
How did Christ love us? We all know the LOVE passage out of I Corinthians 13. Wives especially get lectured all too often that we are to love them (our husband, our accuser, our enemy) as Christ and that love is then wrongly equated to a love that has no boundaries. But that’s not Jesus’ love. Sure, we can-should- love our enemies and do good to those who hurt us; no problem with those truths, however let’s look a little deeper into I Corinthians 13 verse six. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. When we meet our reality head on and we know who is intentionally harming us by their words or lifestyle, we don’t love by delighting in their sin against us. Sisters, we don’t have to teeter totter between rejoicing in who our Savior is while trusting what He is doing in and through our struggle and feeling the deep pain it causes us. Praise and pain can coexist. Be encouraged, it’s not only ok to find it hard to rejoice into the face of sinful assault, it’s a loving response! We rejoice not in evil but in truth! Amen? Amen! It would be foolish for us to keep company with the one who is unrepentant and unchanging of his or her ungodly ways.
~Pause to take this in first~
(Here is a good time for me to pause and clarify for married women. If you are not safe, seek help immediately. If your husband is mistreating you, you need BIBLICAL counsel regarding your personal circumstances regarding whether to stay or leave, and how. God hates divorce. Studies show, more often than not, separation rather than Biblical counseling to work through problems together leads to divorce. Yet, there are just too many unknown variables for me to declare from a key board when someone should stay/leave. Please find someone who will counsel you with Biblical wisdom. (And know, whoever you are, and you are many, I have prayed for you at this moment.)
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