Welcome Home
(Scroll to the bottom for the audio version of this post.)
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Less than 3 months ago most of us were busily preparing our homes and families for the good cheer and festivities that come with all things Christmas holiday. Homes were filled with great expectation of delicious food and joyful family gatherings. Some of us travel far while others waited to open our hearts, arms and doors, “Welcome Home!” Today, that message isn’t what it was just a short time ago as school children fill into their homes instead of their classrooms, and many parents are suddenly working from home instead of their company desk. Currently it looks more like, Quarantine, Schooling & Grace: Welcome Home. Grace, oh how we need more grace.
Unfamiliar. Uncomfortable.
We don’t know what COVID-19 is going to leave behind in its path for our country or our homes, but we do know none of us will be untouched. We already are living its downtrodden reality: Restaurants are filled with empty tables and chairs behind closed doors. We’re not eating at our old stand-by tonight (and they’re not getting any business!). Shelves are emptied of ordinary staples in most homes, such as bread, eggs and meat, as well as things fear has caused some to take and hoard even unnecessary merchandise which may well be someone else’s emergent need. We will keep changing our meal plans to fit what is available within any confines of our individual family’s needs. Shopping is limited in both choice of stores and hours of availability.
Even a little Scary
Older people are afraid to leave their homes for anything; staying home is good, feeling scared and without control, is not. Elderly loved ones are fearful and alone with no option of welcoming a comforting hug or a warm meal from their own family as even independent living complexes close to visitors. Employees with work are being stretched as cooperations, big and small, are walking a tightrope of preparation, conservation and the urgency of today’s work. Companies are feverishly working to keep afloat for today and all the tomorrows after this has passed. Churches of every faith darkened their doors to their congregations on Sunday until further notice. And, let’s not pretend the biggest impact of reality in America isn’t whenever sports are affected: every major and minor sporting event and community in the USA has been canceled. That, as we know, is huge in a country that pretty much idolizes sports.
Quarantine
With most children staying home instead of going to school, many families are stressed because of this abrupt change to their ordinary. One common thread to all mankind is that change isn’t easy, ever. So it comes as no surprise that a major change, such as a nationwide quarantine, with no time for preparation is even more difficult. To be sure, every family is impacted. Working parents aren’t accustomed to taking care of their children’s educational, emotional, spiritual and physical needs 24 hours a day (save expected school breaks and vacations), and quite frankly, they find it overwhelming. I think every homeschooling mom can certainly understand. The internet is full of tongue in cheek memes buffering the line between quarantined students and homeschoolers. Humor has its place, we need to keep our sense of humor sharply intact, but be careful friends…we are treading unknown waters here. Safely, we can pray for those families along with our own. Let’s reach out to one another in texts and messages of encouragement and support.
At Home
While moms and dads around the country try to figure out what it looks like and how to have their children at home during what are typically away at school hours, they’re peering their eyes into the life of what homeschool moms see daily. The former career classroom teacher and the steadfast homeschool mom in me are meeting in an unfamiliar way through this. My heart wants to reach out to so many in this moment with an urgency I’ve never felt before. Welcome Home, Quarantine, Schooling & Grace; where does the emphasis belong? I would submit the answer: understanding. The emphasis belongs with understanding.
Am I Overreacting?
Why does it even matter how or what we think about schooling, especially other’s schooling decisions? Well, it matters because we draw hard lines in society using the ideals we settle in our minds as fact. You know this is true; mommy wars draw the troops out to battle with every possible decision we make concerning our families.
Why Does it matter?
Don’t mistake my point here. It matters less what we think about another’s choice in schooling, but it matters big that we understand what is and what isn’t part of the choices we make. Having all children at home will surely shed some light on their education. Mothers and fathers alike will be asking all kinds of questions. I spent many years explaining to my students’ parents with words often beginning, “That isn’t what it’s like here every day, let me explain what it looks like in my classroom…” As well, I’ve spent a lot of hours in the past decade plus over coffee sharing with loving mothers much the same concerning homeschooling, “That’s not what it looks like. Let me tell you more…” With that, if you don’t mind hearing me out, there are a few things that need to be said, and I’ll try to be succinct in lieu of extensive. My **general thoughts follow.
(**general: with probable exceptions)
Welcome Home
Is this Homeschooling?
- The impact of social distancing keeps homeschooling families within their four walls, too. Despited the quirky memes welcoming you home to find out what homeschooling is like, it’s really not. That’s quarantine, not homeschooling. Please don’t confuse the two.
- In every way possible, any classroom assignment your child is given from their public or private school teacher does not work out the same inside the classroom as it does inside your home. Public school at home isn’t public school in the classroom and visa versa. You don’t know what it looks like every day in your child’s classroom, but they sure do, and their teacher doesn’t live in your home. Please don’t expect your child to suddenly be able to interchange the two. This is an unprecedented territory in the sometimes largely disassociated trio of teacher, parent, student.
- I hear you, and you’re right. You’re in your own house with your own family-your child’s teacher does not live there. Yet, Mrs. #Imtheteacherdaily has molded your son or daughter for the past 6 1/2 months to do things in her classroom, her way. Twenty plus students all willy-nilly doing things as they wish would never work. And, unless there’s an effort to tuck and run from work as ordinary, that’s the way your child will respond. Like it or not, this is how it works. This is neither public school or homeschooling.
- Be forewarned (is it too late?), when you help your child with incoming classroom assignments you’ll likely be reminded-by your own flesh and blood- that you’re not the boss. They’re not exactly wrong: You didn’t pick the curriculum. You didn’t choose what your child is learning. You’re not the one who gets to decide how your child is taught those things. When you chose public school for your child, you chose to allow the government system to decide those things for your child. Furthermore, even the sweet, loving, hardworking teachers who may love your child has his/her hands bound in many ways. The things she probably would rather do are asphyxiated behind today’s incredible stresses of state mandated standards, safety and teaching/testing in her classroom. That is public schooling.
- Most of us know what teaching looks like, acts like and feels like inside a traditional public or private school classroom, because we’ve been there in some facet of our lives. The majority of homeschooling, however, doesn’t mimic that ideal. This is typically a surprise to degreed educators and the next door momma alike. Homeschool can look as different as does each family. Homeschooling families have the luxury to take into account their individual child’s strengths and interests as well as each family unit’s needs and desires. Without the restraints of graded curriculum and other restrictive definitions put in place for large groups of students, parents are afforded the advantage of implementing each of their child’s learning in amazingly productive and unique ways. This is partly why you’ll often get a glazed look when asking what grade a homeschool student is in; the confines of objectives written for segregated age/grade and whole class testing isn’t a factor when choosing what, when or how each of their own individual children will learn. That is homeschooling.
- This isn’t another point but rather a reminder of how I started this bullet list of general thoughts. I don’t mean to put all of any one group into any of these glimpses, but the general ideas presented here do coincide with the big picture in my combined almost 35 years of teaching.
When things Change
I have other posts where I talk more about homeschooling, its purpose and place in our lives, today I want to focus on cleaning up some of the aforementioned mysteries confounding American families today. Probably none of us are schooling today the same way we were just a couple weeks prior. We have all been met with an unanticipated adjustment. What makes me nervous is the ripple effect I can see already and the level of contention that comes about when discussing any type of parenting choice.
Grace
My personal standard is God’s Word; and the Lord has a lot to say about how parent’s raise, disciple and educate the children He blesses to us. Maybe your standard is different, and I’m not here to change your mind or my convictions. However, considering the new living arrangements of social-distancing which likely will become even more constraining, we are all in a very similar place. More than ever, we as moms and women can come together to love and support one another. Regardless of any one decision we have made regarding our children, I think we’ve all lost our cool at least once or twice in the ebb and flow of mothering. That’s to say, I’ll start the line of imperfect parents (and teachers-homeschool and classroom), and anyone who feels the same can file in behind me. Here, we find ourselves level on a plane of unity in this way.
More Grace
At this stressful point, mothering is as fragile as it gets and it seems almost no response is immune from the fallout of a mother’s defensive rebuttal. Grace can be extended to the giver and receiver of what is felt as insensitive, but we can start even before grace is needed. Think twice, thrice? Before we post, or say, something, think about it carefully, and then think about it again before posting it just to be sure. (And I do realize even what I’m trying my best to convey here will surely be misconstrued by someone as is any public writing.) Bottom line: Can we offer a kind word or encouragement to the moms around us who are struggling? Go ahead and make this your daily standard while we tread these waters of Quarantine, Schooling and Grace.
We’re all struggling.
And, by the way, we are all struggling. I’d even love it if you’d start by encouraging me as I try to do the same with and without my little family here at home; I’ll happily watch for your comments. Thank you!
Homeschooling answers
If there are those of you seeking more understanding of why I homeschool, what it has looked like here, or how to start your own homeschool journey, I’m always one message away from sharing with you all I’ve learned in the past 17 years Goodness, seeing that in writing makes me realize how close I am to equalling years homeschooling as my 18 years of traditional teaching! God is good. Just leave me a comment here, or shoot me a message!
Post Script and Homeschooling Help
I actually slept on this blog post, following my own advice to be sure before posting something and thinking thrice. I’ve made a few revisions, and could possibly make others, but one thing I am doing is going ahead with more information regarding homeschooling…because there are SO many questions being asked right now. If you have any, use my contact form or just email me: hello@agirlinthemiddle.com. And no matter where your heart is in this very moment, remember you are not alone! You, you, you, are the best person in the whole world to spend time with your own children and teach them things much more important than ABCor 123. You’ve got this, Momma!
